!dadjokes@lemmy.world
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Update 2025-9-11: If you cannot tell this joke to a 5-year-old and they would understand, you should probably post it to the this community: !unclejokes@lemmy.world. Please message me if you think it could be different.
Present tense: turtle diving out of a tree.
Because his qwack was showing.
It still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.
He said exactly 1 frank
The sales assistant asked how I wanted toupee!
cross-posted from: https://piefed.world/c/tenforward/p/865666/some-quick-math-with-scotty
He ordered everyone around….
The wedding was okay, but the reception was excellent
He was driving her buggy.
Don’t hate me because I’m a little cooler…
There’s a morel at the end, and that’s no shitake. 🍄🍄
Reality.
His neighbors sent a card that said “Get well, soon!”
I’m dismayed….
… I hear they’ve been looking for a room temperature super conductor for ages.
I spent all that money and had nothing to chauffeur it….
Doc: ‘I’m afraid that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
You have to listen variscosely!
…when we got home he made a bolt for the door.
New York is where the Big Apple is and Minnesota is where Minneapolis….
One more would be too farty.
They orca-strate a plan.
It blocks the paws.
Jerry can.
…Now I’m in hospital, waiting to be seen.
R.
Note: this is a true story, it happened a couple hours ago.
Gentle comedy rule
…but I changed my mind.
Tide!
I have amenities for my manatees!
Dis-gruntled!
They don’t have zippers. They just have watergates.
cross-posted from: https://feddit.org/post/23929720
100% of people were unhappy that their tent fell down.
A weatherman
They tend to fly over people’s heads.
She insisted it was carrion.
and moose tastes a lot like chocolate pudding.
That way I know I’ll always start off on a Goodyear!
Labracadabrador!
You guys groaned enough at my last pun so have another.
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/57150383
Cops suspect a cereal killer.
With horn-aments!
You should have seen the Luke on her face.
Because he had low Elf-esteem!
Because they’ll become a mummy.
cross-posted from: https://piefed.world/post/710052
It’s called the egg mit muffin.
Star-bucks!
A shore loser
He was picking his nose. ⛄️
Tap for spoilerBecause he has a really dad sense of humor.
It’s not my fault.
Sleigh-er! 🤘🎅
The elf-abet!
To keep the calves from the corn.
Re-bawks
It’s at tooth-hurty.
I can tell just by looking at them.
Local votes are a bit more private.
Default mode: public.
SquirrelFed
loopy
retrolasered
Iced Raktajino
Tug
64bithero
FenrirIII
Susaga
slothrop
ickplant
The Picard Maneuver
Lemmyoutofhere
kindred
Nusm
owenfromcanada
gwl [he/him]
Hossenfeffer
Wolf Link 🐺
The Picard Maneuver
Vandals_handle